Hello. Is anyone there?

I don’t know where to start.  I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head.  Cluttered, scattered and disjointed.  I can’t recall the beginning, I’m living in the middle and I’m horrified on how it may end.

My marriage is at a crossroads.  He has moved out, physically. In my heart he moved out a long time ago.  My heart hurts.  I’m wounded.  Most days are consumed as to how I’m going to make it.

He and I have known each other for close to 10 years.  We started dating in June 2000.  We were consumed by love.  It happened so fast.  Best friends.  Closer than close.  We spoke on the phone numerous times a day.  For years, he was the first and last person I spoke to each day.

We have a history.  The death of his Mom.  The death of my special 2nd Mommy.  The death of my beloved grandmom.  New jobs.  New homes.  The miscarriage at 5 months.  The vacations.  The new cars.  The holidays.  The wedding.  The birth of our beautiful daughter.

But woven into that history was a deep secret that was too deep for him to tell.  He knew it would crush me.  But I did find out.  His indiscretion chipped away at my core.  It robbed me of the joy that I deserved from my husband and more importantly he didn’t have the capacity or the humility to apologize.

The last three years have been a struggle.  But as a couple one can’t heal by themselves.  Because he decided to shut down, not talk and stand firmly in denial I turned to food and compulsive shopping to soothe my wounds.

I press on.  I press on for the little girl that relies on me everyday.  I press on to become the Magnificent Queen that God has planned for me to be.

Peace and joy are awaiting me I feel it deep in my soul.